hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
