just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
