I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
