who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
