ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
