he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.