Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
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