Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
that's an acceptable place to lick
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.