Joe is yelling at the trees again.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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