so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
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she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
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How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...