Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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