I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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