The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
