i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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