Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
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I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
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We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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