Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
just tell him i said nine months
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
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at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
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Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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