i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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