I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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