I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i was born a porn star she said
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize