and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
even my farts smell like vagina
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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