got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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