I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
