so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
