so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
