hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
