I am spending my child support on dildos
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
