So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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