Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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