Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
