Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
