Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize