how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
