The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
