Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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