He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
