is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
