you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
