Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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