Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
