lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
