I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
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I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
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I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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