i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
