hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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