so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
