Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
