Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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