i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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