So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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