Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
