omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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