you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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