she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
