DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm bleeding and have questions
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize