had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
