Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
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I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
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I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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