Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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