I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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