ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
