I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
