My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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