You're my little dorito
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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