What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
found the other keg... it's in the tree
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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