I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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