the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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