So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
