is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
