sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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