I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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