So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My ATM looks so different sober.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
