Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
