ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
