Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
