Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
