There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
