Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
