Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
