is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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