Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
