just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
