Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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