i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
