Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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