he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
