And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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