You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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