I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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