I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
