I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
