I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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